BECOMING ME

BECOMING ME

As far as I could remember, I had always been a talkative person. As a child my aunt gave me a nick name, “Shunbor” (A kind of pepper that smells from afar or something). I noticed it was a negative nickname and I decided to SHUT UP. I would sit down quietly when any visitor comes to our house and they would all comment on the fact that I was a very quiet child. My siblings and Mum would laugh as if to say “, if you really know her, you will know she’s pretending.”

I did that for years, except that it was difficult. It was difficult to hear something interesting being discussed and not plunge in with my opinion. It was VERY HARD TO BE QUIET.
As the years went by, I developed a double personality, mixing who I was with who I wanted to be. I was the bubbly, smiling, talking sanguine but I wanted to be the introspective, moody and quiet melancholic. It became confusing because I would start out with who I wanted to be and then get carried away and show glimpses of who I really was.

I went as far as praying that God would make me quiet because I believed only quiet people were wise and treated with respect but who I was always had an upper hand. This struggle continued till I got into the university, until one day when I was at a program Revd. Victor Adeyemi while preaching just released a word that there is someone who people say talked too much but God wants you to be a speaker for him. I didn’t know what came over me. I just jumped up out of my sit and ran towards the altar, dropped the money in my hands and ran back to my sit. For the first time I didn’t care if anyone was looking at me, I didn’t even care if I acted weird. I just did what I wanted to do and from that day I became Free to be me.

Everything changed. I started seeing it as a compliment when people say I talk too much or I’m too expressive and emotional. I started seeing those things as God given gifts to make. I started writing out my thoughts. I started reading voraciously and learning all I could learn. My appetite for spiritual knowledge increased and I continued talking. I talked so much that a friend nicknamed me Motorola Talk- about. At that point I just didn’t care. I decided to continue speaking wisdom. I decided to use my words to bless instead of chattering idly.

Looking back now I realized every honor,  praise, love and even gifts I have gotten ties back to my speaking ability (and off course my writing ability too). What I felt was a curse was actually a blessing. What I felt people disrespected me for was actually what I got a lot of respect from. I still talk and gist a lot but most likely I would drop something that will bless whoever is listening to me while gisting. I still act out a lot on impulses. I might be talking to my husband in an open place and impulsively kiss him (sebi I dint borrow him now). I might be walking towards the bank with my kids and teach them a dance step and watch to see if they got the dance, with passersby looking at us and smiling. I might get a surprise call and scream out loud wherever I am because that is who I am. I remember when I was about to get married and I went to get my wedding gown. The second gown I wore fit so perfectly and I started to dance in front of the mirror with everyone (there were a lot of people in the store) looking at me (I was practicing the reception dance, lol). My Mum and my sister who went with me kept telling me how embarrassing it was as we were on our way home and I apologized for embarrassing them. Maybe I would employ a poise coach to teach me how to be cool, calm and collected. I really need it.

Why am I saying all these, there is a reason you possess the gifts and personality you have. Find it and use it.

Much Love

Ronke Taiwo (26/8/2016)

N.B: I recently submitted a write up on my marriage and my write-up was chosen as one of the best. Come Sept 1, voting will start on the blog and I hope you guys won’t fall my hand. I would share the link on all my pages and walls . I need you to vote for us (I and hubby) and also help share the link